Dress Fiasco 2

So, remember that whole dress thing?  I needed one for an event last night, everything in my closet is black or old (read: not the right size because it’s either too big from when I was trying to lose the baby weight or too small because it’s from my pre-children days) or business-y and so I was trying to decide what to order?  Well, I did order something, and it wasn’t even one of the original choices.

 

This one.

 

It came and was super cute, I totally would have kept it, except that it was so short it made me feel like a cocktail waitress in a fancy retro dance hall.  And my legs aren’t sexy enough for that.

 

So last Thursday, I ordered two more dresses, this one and this one.  I paid for FedEx ground, thinking 2-5 days shipping, not counting Sunday, and I would have dresses by this Thursday.  Two to choose from!  I would send one back!  Except I would secretly hope that Tony would indulgently say, “keep them both, they’re both so lovely!”  What could go wrong?

 

I won’t be getting those dresses until sometime today.  The event was last night.  Upon realizing what the tracking information was telling me, I frantically began pawing through my closet.  Surely, there was something there?  Ah!  I thought, I’ll wear the dress I bought during my last dress fiasco in France when my the zipper on the dress I’d brought to wear (incidentally, the same dress I wore to the Tulip Festival Gala last year) broke a scant few hours before the wedding.  Alas, I was nursing Jamie last year, and I filled out that dress in an entirely different way than I do now.  Love that dress as I do, I will not wear something that makes me look that flat-chested.

 

To the mall I went, and to Ross, and to Kohl’s.  And then back to the mall a couple of days later to try some other stores (I get shopping fatigue pretty quickly).  I was shocked, shocked!, when I found the most promising of dresses at J.C. Penney.  I pawed through the racks at Macy’s to no avail, but I actually tried on six (six!) dresses at Penney’s.

 

You know what’s the worst part about shopping alone?  Especially shopping at a store like Penney’s that is mostly deserted?  Where 90% of all the other (eight or nine) customers in the store are octogenarians?  Trying on anything.  Because when there’s no one around to help, or even within shouting distance, that’s the time you’re going to get the zipper of a dress stuck in a spot on your back that you can’t reach in the fitting room of the lingerie section because it was closest to the dress section and no one, I mean no one, shops for lingerie at J.C. Penney’s. 

 

So there I was, arching my back, reaching my arm first one way around my back, then another, contorting myself to reach that zipper, starting to break out into a sweat because I couldn’t reach it, thinking, “How the hell did I pull the zipper up where I can no longer reach it???” and worrying that I might have to wander out in the store and yell across the vast, empty expanse of the store for some help, when I finally grabbed the zipper and finally unstuck it.  I did not buy that dress.  I was kind of afraid that if I put it back on, I would never be able to take it off again. 

 

I did find a dress.  $24 on sale.

 

Not too shabby.

 

Happy Easter, everyone!