Friday, September 12, 2014

Mommy’s Big Boy

Guess who had his checkup yesterday?  This guy:

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I only cried once (shit, I’m saying that a lot lately, as if it’s an accomplishment to only cry once), and that was when the secretary told me that Freddie’s insurance had been terminated and the well-child visit and vaccines would cost $200 or more out-of-pocket.  And then she said, “Well, you should talk to your HR department about this.”  I am HR.  I have no idea what’s going on.


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Digression: Yesterday was TERRIBLE.  It never rains but it pours, you know?  Jamie has started to act out in a distinctly “Jamie” way by adamantly refusing, totally stone-faced, to do anything I ask, plead, prod, or demand that he do, from brushing his teeth to staying in bed at night to getting dressed to finishing his dinner to anything.  I had to take away all of his books yesterday, something I hate doing.  I just wish Jamie hated it half as much – he doesn’t even care about consequences, not a lick.  At least it was a good opportunity to clean out and reorganize the book shelf.


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Anyway, then the insurance thing, which I had to figure out after the doctor’s appointment, so I got to work at 11 AM and immediately got on the phone with the insurer and then started putting out other fires, but starting that late feels like I’m starting the day half over.  Then I went home and tried to motivate myself to do anything, but since Freddie got shots, he was fussy and only wanted to be held.  And THEN, the main computer at work blew up AGAIN, completely incapacitating the office and causing the ball of stress in my stomach to wind a little tighter.


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So yeah, even before the shit really hit the fan with the computer crisis, I was already crying at the doctor’s office.  Which is a small office.  Which prompted the medical assistant to ask if I wanted the appointment after Freddie’s to “talk” with the doctor.  Which prompted the doctor to write me a prescription to “ask for help.”  Is there anything worse than knowing that you’re being irrational and not only not being able to do anything about it but also realizing that other people are noticing and starting to thing you’re crazy or worse?  We discussed how it just isn’t possible, right now, for me to feel good about things.  Tony is super busy at work and he has a class that takes him away from us essentially all day Wednesday, so I am on my own everyday from morning until the time when dinner has to be on the table, except for Wednesday, when I’m on my own until I fall into bed as soon as the baby is asleep, usually 10 or 11 PM.  My housecleaner had knee surgery this summer, so she’s only come once in three months and the house is filthy because I am incapable of sacrificing sleep to clean toilets, and I don’t see my kids enough as it is, so hiring a nanny or a babysitter is out of the question.  Ask for help?  Who can help me?  The best help I could have right now is liposuction, the ability to drink more than half a glass of wine without affecting breastmilk, and an assistant at the office who wouldn’t make me pay him/her to do my job for me while I recover from birthing an awesome kid and trying to integrate him into our lives.


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Oh, right, the baby.  I told the doctor that of all the things in my life that are stressful to me right now, Freddie isn’t one of them.  He’s content, healthy, smiling, mellow, and a good sleeper.


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At two months old, he weighs 14 pounds even and is 24.5 inches long.  The doctor pointed to his computer where he had inputted these stats and they were highlighted in red because the computer program thought they were in error.  Nope, he’s just a big boy.  A big, healthy, happy boy, loved to distracting by his whole family.

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