Wednesday, November 14, 2012

And Leon’s Getting Laaaarger!

You guys.  Something weird is happening.  My torso is lengthening.


I don’t know how this happened, but I’m blaming the children.  Or rather, gestating the children for 9 months each.


Before I had children, I followed Dear Abby’s advice and filled out my wardrobe with basics that I could wear in perpetuity (or as long as they lasted without holes and stains).  I don’t have a whole lot of “trendy” clothing because I just can’t see the sense in investing in something that won’t be wearable beyond this season.  For the most part, I have classic shirts in solid colors, and when I buy new shirts, that is what I gravitate toward. 


My children, on the other hand, like my patterned shirts and skirts; Charles or Jamie picks out my clothing almost every day.  This morning, Jamie chose a chevron-patterned skirt for me to wear.  He can reach it on the bottom rod in my closet, and he wouldn’t let go, or stop making insistent “ehh!” noises, until I picked it up and put it on.  Charles has been known to cry when I don’t choose the shirt he tells me to wear, or, conversely, put on pants or a shirt he doesn’t like.


But I’ve noticed something strange lately.  As I’ve slowly started wearing my pre-pregnancy wardrobe again, many of my old shirts no longer fit well.  It’s not that they’re the wrong size.  And my boobs are, if anything, smaller than they used to be.  So why are some of my shirts riding so high that I can’t possibly wear them out in public?  I feel like I constantly have to tug them down to avoid showing the world my fleshy navel!


Tony and I both have long torsos to begin with.  Not so long that you would see us on the street and say to the person beside you, “Wow, look how long their torsos are!” but long, nonetheless.  Both of the boys have this feature as well – Charles shirts are short on him, even if they’re plenty wide in the shoulders (which will probably be an issue later, if he gets Tony’s shoulders: Tony is very broad-shouldered), and Jamie’s onesies are always too short, so I use onesie extenders


Enough about them, though, back to me: what the hell happened?  Thanks to modern bra technology, I can at least create the illusion that my breasts are in the same spot and are the same size they were years ago, but why aren’t the shirts fitting anymore?  Did my pregnancy body changes include an extra two inches of torso?


Oh, no.  Do you know what I just realized?  It’s the hip/pelvis spreading.  It’s the fact that those two inches used to hang down at my trim waist but now are taken up by the extra inches around my middle.  I used to have a waist that was smaller than my ribcage or hips, but it’s kind of just a straight line now.  And, I’m still carrying around an extra ten pounds that won’t seem to burn off.  Mystery solved.  Pregnancy and getting old (and excess cheese consumption) strike again.


Now, how to avoid any holiday weight gain?  Let’s be honest, I’m not going to abstain from either cooking or eating all the good stuff, so I guess I’ll have to go with ye olde moderation.  Sigh.  Moderation is almost never any fun.

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