Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Mother Love (or Hate)

I started a fitness program today: The MOLO Challenge.  It’s an adjunct to the regular Baby Boot Camp classes I participate in three times a week, which are, themselves, kind of like CrossFit with strollers and no weights.  I’m pretty strong and feel pretty fit these days – though I’m sick right now and am therefore trying to decide if I should stay home with a cup of tea this afternoon or take a dog for a run before picking up the boys and going to Baby Boot Camp – but I still haven’t reached what I would consider my “ideal weight.”


I’ll just put it out there: I weigh, depending on the day of the month and the time of day, between 145 and 150 lbs.  The morning I got married, I weighed 132.  I am a size six.  I have been doing Baby Boot Camp for over a year.  I did not do the MOLO Challenge last year because I had a six-month-old and the body to go with him and I didn’t want to see, on a daily basis, just how much work I would have to do to get rid of that body.  I would rather never weigh myself and never have anyone measure my butt, thighs, or waist.  And for God’s sake, please don’t anyone look at my arms flapping when I wave.


The MOLO Challenge (I think it stands for Mother Love) includes lots of extra, out-of-class fitness activities like planking before bed and 30 seconds of high knees throughout the day, as well as nutritional challenges.  And this is where I’m stuck this week.  I downloaded the nutrition app onto my phone and started inputting my weight, height, goals (I think 135 lbs is a reasonable goal), and food consumption.  The app tells me that in order to lose 1 lb a week, and thus getting me to my goal in four months or so, I have to consume 1200 calories a day. 


I eat so well, you guys.  So well.  And there’s no WAY I’m going to be able to stick to 1200 calories a day.  I’m within 400 of my daily allowance right now and this is what I’ve eaten today: Raisin Bran with almond milk for breakfast, an apple, a small green salad with homemade vinaigrette, a whole-wheat tortilla, and two slices of cheese for lunch, and some homemade monkey bread for a snack.  Also, coffee and lots of water.  It’s not even 2 pm… how can I last until bedtime on 400 calories?


The only thing on that list that isn’t good for me is the monkey bread, so I guess I can cut out all joy from my life and stop baking good things for my family to eat.  Maybe then I’ll be allowed to have more than just chicken and broccoli for dinner.


Argh!  Dieting, I hate you!  I felt pretty damn good about myself this weekend, and now, just by having an app tell me that in order to lose a little weight I’m going to need four months and starvation, I’m right back where I used to be.  Hating this body, hating these extra pounds, hating my advanced age.  This is why I never do this stuff – it’s supposed to be empowering and it just makes me feel like a failure.  Will it be worth the negative effects to my psyche if I lose the spare tire?  I’m just not sure.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Dang! 1200 calories is pretty lean. I wonder if one week at a time would help and see if you're making progress. Four months seems like a long time, but maybe after a few weeks of discipline, you'd have momentum and it would get better. I'm dairy and soy free right now. It's so hard not to be able to eat all of the delicious treats my family can. If you're going to do it, I suggest you move those things out of your house. Ice cream and cake taunt me when I see them here.