Friday, June 6, 2008

One of Those Days

I didn't sleep well last night... not abnormal, in my current hip-hurting, peeing every couple of hours state. Buster is back, with a vengeance, and he was sure awake and ready to go at 5 am. My mom was kind enough to let him out that early, but I had to yell at him to stop him barking at God-knows-what at 5:15 am in the back yard. I am glad to see him happy again, but I wish he would just wait until 7 to get crazy, that's all. Mom and I saw Indiana Jones last night (and loved it), but we were out late, and I sure did belch my Costco hot dog all evening long.

Buuurp! I figure I only have another month or so before the indignity of my "condition" spreads beyond gastro-intestinal issues to other such lovelies... like getting kicked in the bladder and wetting my pants, probably in a business meeting with the mayor or something.

All that to say that I am tired, and that fatigue brings out the worst in me. No, that's not true. Hunger has always brought out Mega Bitch Amelia. I have nearly committed cold-blooded murder for a sandwich before, and I felt totally justified in contemplating such a thing because, well, I was hungry. You just shouldn't mess with a woman's blood sugar, that's all I'm saying.

Now, if I am hungry, I will most likely cry, because, damn, it hurts! But today I will most likely cry anyhow, because I am tired, and the weepy, worried Amelia is out today (much like we say the mountain is out when it is a clear day). For instance, I am now close to tears thinking about how fortunate I am that I have enough money to buy food to feed this growling, growing belly and the little person inside of me-- what do poor pregnant women do? Shit, now I am thinking about hungry people the world over, and what am I doing having a baby when I should just take the extra food I have to eat for this child to grow and give it to someone who needs it?

I also got up early today for a meeting, went to work late due to said meeting, where I have the daunting, near-impossible task of selling advertising. I hate selling. And then my mom called, and my dog had eaten through my phone charger cord, the only charger I have, so now I have to buy a new one, and dammit! That dog is getting so expensive (and then my mom gave me money because, she says, the culprit might have been Alli. Which is true, but I feel badly that I can't even really afford my life so my parents take pity on me). What was I thinking when we got a dog? Plus, my phone is so old and beat up that AT&T probably doesn't even sell a charger for it anymore, but we can't afford for me to upgrade my phone. This is in total conflict with the fact that I love my dog, and we should probably rescue a lot more dogs from the shelter because they need someone to love them, too. I can't stand the thought of them living in the shelter all their lives, or starving on the streets. *sob*

And now we're back to food, which reminds me of my flabby silhouette, and the fact that I literally cannot wear anything that is not maternity at this point. Also expensive. *tear*

Can I have a do-over please? If not for life over the past few months, at least for today? I need more sleep, but mostly I think I want to wait to have kids until I am paid what I'm worth so that we can afford to move wall outlets more than one foot from the ground throughout our house so that I can plug my phone in and set it on a flat surface that is not my floor so that Buster can't eat it. Also, to buy a car that will fit both a large dog and a child, to remodel the kitchen, and to not be so fat. And to be able to donate thousands of dollars to the local animal shelter, buy a large ranch and rescue sad, beaten dogs, and feed the hungry. Please? Maybe just a nap, then? Oh, that's not in the cards, either? *waaahhh*

No comments: