Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Shape of Things

I had a bit of a rough day yesterday – the kind where I just fight against the negative voices in my head.  I didn’t feel great all day, culminating in cereal for dinner (hey, at least I ate) and an early bedtime, but it was more than that.  It was looking down at my body and not recognizing myself.  It was looking in the mirror and seeing the changes that have happened so rapidly, much more rapidly than with my other two pregnancies, and wondering if I’ll ever get back.


I mean, I know I’ll get back.  I’m too stubborn not to.  But it has all happened so fast, you know?  I am only 13 weeks along, and yet I look like this:


photo (21)


That’s six months pregnant size for most people (in fact, I saw an acquaintance yesterday, someone who I know is past the 20-week mark, and she was smaller than I am – her first baby, of course).  Also, my butt has balanced out my belly quite obviously.  I think it’s in part because my pelvis has already loosened and widened, so my hips and ass are wider, too.


It doesn’t help that the only time I have to exercise is in the evenings, when I feel terrible, and since I’ve been an endorphin junkie for a few years now, I’m really feeling the lack.


Why is it so hard?  Why is it so hard to love our bodies for the things they do well, like make perfect children?  I know I’m not alone in this, and I try to tell myself not to compare my body to others’, but it’s difficult.  My fitness group now includes 6 pregnant women, all due within two months of me.  I am by far the largest.


I was feeling down yesterday in my uncomfortable, changing-so-fast body, and the thing that pulled me out of the funk was a comment one of my employees made.  Unprompted, he said, “Amelia, I know you probably don’t hear this much, but I just love your belly.  It’s so great!”  He made me smile and he made me feel good about my shape.  It is ridiculous that I don’t always feel good about my shape because I truly think that a pregnant body is one of the most beautiful shapes in the world.  I guess I just get to enjoy this shape a bit earlier than I was expecting.  I think it’s time to recommit myself to speaking compliments, not just thinking them.  You never know when saying something nice, that seems so off-hand to you, might make a person’s day.


Julia said...

With you sister. With Dash, I swear I got bigger faster than anybody I've ever met. Like, legitimately showing around 7 weeks. It's hard to fight the voices in our heads when it comes to size. BUT, despite how miserably large I was with both babies, I look back at pics and think I was beautiful. And YOU are beautiful. Hugs!

Margarita Primavera said...

I think you look beautiful and I'm absolutely jealous off your adorable belly! I haven't started to show yet - I sometimes look like I ate a few too many donuts, but no cute belly like you... I think it feels much more real when you start to show and I'm sadly not there yet.