Tuesday, March 31, 2009

What now?

Night one zillion of bad/little sleep... I had a complete mental breakdown last night, costing me an hour of sleep I really needed. Where is the justice in the world?

Charles is healthy, he just can't make it more than two hours without food. I know that he "should" be able to do so, but my little guy just doesn't fit in with the norm. I've consulted books and sleep "solutions," to no avail. I refuse to let Charles "cry it out" when he has a wet diaper and is shoving his fist in his mouth in a panic because his little belly is empty. I don't get up at every cry, au contraire, he often is just shifting and groaning in his sleep. And I've attempted to calm him with a pacifier, but his face gets all red as soon as he figures out it won't feed him. What's a girl to do? I haven't had this little sleep since college, and back then I could drink a heeeeck of a lot more coffee and alcohol to deal with it. And slept in Saturday. I feel like I am losing my mind.

On the solid food front, Charlie LOVES sweet potatoes and avocados... he got angry with me when there was no avocado left in his mesh bag feeder! That was funny. Solid food is a mess, but thoroughly enjoyable for all. I'll try to get a photo of his adorably green face when he has some later today.

Hey, thanks for putting up with my rant and my little pity party. Giant thanks to my husband, who puts of with all of my shit. I know he would help out with Charles more if he could, but he is doing the very important job of supporting us while I stay home. Speaking of, next week, Charles goes to daycare part-time. I cried a lot about that yesterday. But then I realized this morning that the lovely ladies in the infant room at the daycare I chose will probably do a better job of mothering Charles than I do. They certainly will be better rested. So at least he has that going for him. I'm gonna miss him while I'm at work, though. A lot.


chasecarole said...

Oh honey. First of all, no one can do a better job mothering than you. That being said, taking Charles to daycare will give you a chance to focus on yourself a little more, and then when you pick him up, you'll be able to parent him with refreshed energy.

On the whole eat/sleep thing... a woman's milk supply is typically lowest at night. It sounds to me like at night Charles is just not getting enough to fill himself up.

When both my kids were getting breast milk exclusively, our ped suggested that for our last feeding before bedtime we give a bottle of formula because it stays with them longer than breast milk (and therefore, they sleep longer). I know breastfeeding elitists will insist that "breast is best" and formula is murder, but one bottle of formula a day certainly won't hurt.

I firmly believe that sleep deprivation will slowly drive a person nuts. And if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy. Try a little formula and see if it helps your little guy sleep a bit longer.

Hugs to you. : )

Amelia said...

Oh, Carole, thank you, I did try formula, with no results. I'll do it again tonight, though. I'll try anything, and at this point , he's getting lots of other stuff besides breastmilk anyhow (no elitism here, I'm proud of what my body has done, but I'm gonna lose my mind soon, and formula can't possibly hurt babies, my mom fed it to me... I have just had plenty of supply not to bother with it). My doctor suggested that the cereal would stay with Charles longer, too, and that hasn't worked. I'm at my wits' end!

Thank you for the support, I really need it.

Amanda and Izabel Rainha said...

Izabel wouldnt sleep though the night till I found out she had an acid reflux problem. Basicaly when they sleep they kind spit up stuff but dosn't come up full though to there mouth and kinda burns. Making it hard for a baby to sleep and wakes them up. Not saying that the problem with Charles.
Once you get them to sleep though the night anway they start teething and up all night anway. Try puttign Cereal in a bottle with the breast milk or formula. That also Help Izabel.

K Schimmy said...

I wish I had magic tips that would allow you to get sleep. I cannot possibly imagine what you are going through, since I only get up once in the night to pump, while Rick and Ruary sleep soundly (I'm a bit jealous of that). Please, please, please do not feel bad about sending Charles to daycare. I mirror Carole's words that you are ALWAYS the best mother for him. Getting some help is soooo good, because it gives you a mental and physical break, and he gets a chance to share his cuteness with the world.

I can't wait to see photos of the avocado face. I share his feelings about those delectable fruits... I actually had some tonight with my dinner. Yum.

Mom and Dad said...

I agree with Carol, No one, I mean no one mothers her babies better than the mom. Except when they are being fathered by the dads. I know you are tired. A combo will show up.

Sarah said...

Hey sleep-deprived mama. I am so sorry to hear that Charles is still having trouble sleeping. I wish there were some silver bullet advice I could give you, but it seems like you've already exhausted your alternatives (no pun intended). I have to agree with Carole that sleep deprivation will slowly drive a person nuts. I felt like around month 6, I was a walking testimony to that statement.

Andy was completely against letting Claire cry it out (CIO), but we had some similar issues to you around 5 or 6 months and I couldn't handle it any longer. So we did the CIO thing. There were about three nights that pretty much nobody slept in our house, and from then on, she has slept well- both during the day and at night. But it sucked, I can tell you that.

I'm so excited for you to get to go back to work. You are THE perfect mom for Charles. God gave him to you, and He sure doesn't make mistakes. There's enough mommy guilt floating around out there to make all of us feel like failures. You're a great mom, and don't let anyone, even yourself, convince you otherwise.